To celebrate R turning 10 months old I look back at how I thought our journey would begin – and laugh because I really had no idea!
A year ago as I awaited your arrival excitedly,
I had a good idea of the mum I thought I’d be.
I imagined all the incredible things that I thought we’d do.
But now I can see that I was naive – I didn’t have a clue.
I hoped your nursery would be pretty perfect – we’d clean it every day.
Books on the shelf, teddies lined up and all your toys packed neatly away.
But I didn’t realise just what a little hurricane you’d turn out to be.
You find such joy in emptying all the boxes at any given opportunity.
There’s not enough time at the end of the day to make it spotless and clean.
It’s been longer than I care to admit since your bedroom floor was seen.
I thought I’d iron all of your clothes before I put them away,
So you could wear something perfect every single day.
I have no idea what was I thinking. I must have been a fool.
There really isn’t enough time on earth to get through it all.
I said I’d never dress you all in pink. You’d wear the colours of the rainbow.
But when everyone started calling you ‘he’ pink was the way to go.
I thought my social life would still go on – it wouldn’t be the end.
I’d still get out of the house and enjoy some time with friends.
But even when we have a babysitter I don’t often want to go out.
I’d rather get the cleaning done and then laze about.
I said I’d learn to cook new dishes so we’d always eat nice food.
We’d stop eating out at restaurants more than we really should.
I’d get really organised and plan our meals for every day.
So that I’d spend less time in the kitchen and have more time to play.
I didn’t get organised. I haven’t planned one meal.
The fact that I even thought I would makes me want to squeal.
Fortunately, we eat quite well – but that’s all thanks to daddy.
He’s the real cook of the house and that’s alright with me.
I hoped we’d make the most of maternity leave and do something great each day.
Maybe even leave the country on an exotic holiday.
Whilst we have had lots of fun making memories that are great.
Some days we didn’t even bother getting dressed until it was too late.
I imagined us watching Disney movies together snuggled up in bed.
But as soon as you learned to move you had other ideas instead.
As for the holiday, you didn’t have a passport and we didn’t have the cash.
And, maternity leave was over quicker than a flash.
I thought we’d take a special picture for every milestone card.
But I didn’t realise that taking one nice photo could really be so hard.
You wriggle and you giggle as you crawl quickly away.
Laughing as if to say: “There’ll be no cute photos of me today.”
I had the best intentions – I promise that is true.
But I didn’t understand how hard it could be looking after you.
I knew our lives would be full of love, laughter and happiness.
But I didn’t realise that there’d be some days that I’d enjoy less.
And whilst I am eternally grateful for every day with you,
The sleepless nights and endless doubts have been hard to get through.
But I wouldn’t change a single thing about the journey we’ve been on.
I’ll continue to treasure every moment because in a second they’ll be gone.
So even though I’m not the perfect mum that I hoped I’d be,
The way that things have turned out is more than good enough for me.
Is motherhood exactly what you’d thought it would be? Or has there been some surprises along the way? Let me know in the comments below.