Pregnancy fears - The Rhyming Mum

Pregnancy diary – The fear

Please note that this post mentions baby loss which could be a trigger for some.

This poem has been sat in my drafts for a long time. It’s something that I think about frequently but saying it out loud, or hitting publish in this case, just makes me worry even more. I worry about somehow jinxing my pregnancy or upsetting/offending someone who has experienced loss. But I promised myself that I’d be honest and talk about even the hard stuff… so here goes.

Dear bump,

I thought this time would be easier
Because I know what to expect
But it appears I’m still a worrier
And that feeling won’t eject

Time seems to move so slow
As we await your scans
To see you start to grow
So that we can make some plans

I’m absolutely delighted
To be carrying you baby
But I’m scared to get too excited
In case you’re taken from me

I don’t know where it came from
This fear of losing you
But when your sister was in my tum
I’d worry about losing her too

I guess it’s kind of normal
This feeling that won’t go away
A love that’s maternal
Can make you feel that way

But every time I see a story
Of baby loss I panic
The thought of losing you baby
Makes me feel so sick

There are so many awareness campaigns
Of which of course there should be
But it fills me with pain
Each time I see that 1 in 4 lose their baby

For a long time I felt sick
At every visit to the loo
Because I’d be in a mild panic
In case I was losing you

Every time somebody tells me
That my bump is super small
I instantly start to worry
“What if baby isn’t growing at all?”

And if my symptoms ease for a day
I simple can’t enjoy myself
Because instead of feeling ok
I worry about your health

Now to some this might sound silly
Or maybe even over the top
But I don’t find it funny
I just wish that it would stop

I don’t know what I can do
To make the anxieties go away
Except learn all the signs
And keep an eye out every day

I hope that as we progress
Further through the pregnancy
I’ll feel the anxiety less
And get to enjoy carrying you baby

But I have a funny feeling
That this won’t be the case
And that I’ll still be worrying
Until I’m able to kiss your face

And even when you’re finally here
I’m sure the worry will continue
Because I know year after year
I’ll still worry about losing you

To me it always seems
That fear is a funny feeling
But being scared just means
That you have something worth losing

Was fear something that you experienced in your pregnancy? I’d love to hear your stories too. Let me know in the comments below.

7 thoughts on “Pregnancy diary – The fear

  1. Oh I can really identify with this feeling. Before having my second son I had 2 miscarriages and then it was a very difficult pregnancy (they thought he had a heart defect and we had lots of extra controls) so I didn’t dare buy anything. Everything I saw, read or heard at the time seemed negative. But guess what?! He was born 100% healthy! He will always be my baby, I am super protective of him. I do think that ‘fear’ never leaves (as you said) but I also try and control it because it is important that our kids find their own way too. Take care and be kind to yourself, you are not alone! #thesatsesh

  2. I worried about this too, especially during the first few months. And as you say, the worrying doesn’t stop after birth either, but it takes on a different shape. At different stages you worryvabout different things… and there have been times when I’ve felt that perhaps I shouldn’t have been a parent because the worrying was too much for me to cope with. But I’ve become much better at focusing on the present, and that is my way of keeping the worrying reasonably under control. Take good care xx #thesatsesh

  3. As i said on insta – I can very much identify with this. I think your poem will really resonate with lots of people. We must remind ourselves when worries hit that – ‘thoughts are not facts’ and sometimes that may help a little. xx #thesatsesh

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